Beis Medrash Govoha Kollel Check: Time to Say Goodbye?
The largest kollel in America is without a doubt is Lakewood’s Beis Medrash Govoha. According to the official numbers, there are over 6,000 kollel yungerleit who spend their days learning there. Some, but not all of the chavrei hakollel, receive a kollel check in return for their learning in the yeshiva. This costs the yeshiva millions of dollars a year, but adds up to a paltry $3,000 a year for each person “lucky” enough to be granted a kollel check.
Say, for example Mayor Bloomberg would wake up one morning in a generous mood and decide to give a gift of $80,000,000.00 to his subjects in New York City. He would distribute the money by giving everyone in the city $10. Would that be a good use of his money?
In the same manner, Beis Medrash Govoha’s kollel check is neither an effective nor an efficient use of the yeshiva’s money. The $3,000 a year is not changing anyone’s life, nor is anyone living off the money. It is highly doubtful that the existence of the kollel check is causing anyone to stay in learning longer than if they would not be receiving one. And on the other hand, the pressure of raising the money to cover the kollel checks are a huge strain on the roshei yeshiva and fundraisers.
Eliminating the kollel check would be a wise decision for Lakewood yeshiva. It would cut $6-8 million dollars a year from the budget, and hardly change anyone’s life in the process. The money that was going to fund kollel checks, could be put to use in much more efficient ways, as will be explored in future posts.
Editor’s note: I know this post will elicit some very passionate responses from my readers. Please feel free to write your intelligent and respectful comments, which will enhance this discussion.
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Who Do I Want to Be?
These days, its not about what you do that makes money. It’s more about what you are. I write this while listening to the music of Yaakov Shwekey. He is a singer, and so are many others. So why is that Yaakov is invited to sing at 5 Pesach hotels, while so many others have to struggle to support their families? The singing industry, just like many others, does not pay based on what you do, only who you are.
How does one become a person who gets paid for being who they are? By being an expert in your field. By being able to answer questions, craft solutions, present ideas, solve problems. If the only thing you can do is something that everyone else can do also, don’t expect to get paid more than $10 an hour for it. (Thankfully, every woman knows how to clean a house. That is why cleaning ladies are cheap!)
Find your area of expertise, and hone your skills. It may take months or years, but that is where you stand the best chance of making money from what you do. At that point, knowing what you know, you will be able to do things no one else can do. Once you can do that, you will be very successful.
Rather than ask, “What should I do?“, ask “Who should I be?” That’s a question worth finding an answer for.
When You Feel Old…
Feeling old is a real phenomenon, and it is a sure sign that you’ve got to get out. I’ve heard from people who stayed in kollel many years, all the time learning with great diligence, but once they realized how “old” they were, they decided to leave kollel and change their lives.
On top of all the other good reasons for a person to leave kollel, this can even affect those that are learning well, have good sources of parnossah, and feel fulfilled with what they are doing. A person’s tendency is to be drawn after others around him (Rambam De’os 5:1). A kollel by its nature is a group of poeple learning together. If a person begins to feel old, he starts losing his connection to the group around him. This causes him to slip away from the communal aspect of kollel, which means that he no longer is adding much to the kollel in which he learns.
Back when I was in kollel, I used to notice how one person that was much older than everyone else there would habitually come later than everyone else. This struck me as odd, since we were the ones with young children to keep us busy, while this man’s children were already grown.
I later understood why he was coming late. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy learning, on the contrary, this person would stay up late every night learning. However, with respect to the kollel, he was feeling too old. When you are one of the sailors, its easy to show up to the boat on time to get it going. But when you are just an onlooker, it’s fine to show up late even after the boat has already pulled away.
If you are staying in kollel longer than most of your friends, even if you are learning well, perpare yourself for the inevitable. There will come a time that you begin to feel old. Once you reach that point, it will become very difficult, even impossible, to continue being a valuable contributer to the rest of the group.
Burn Your Bridges – And Win
Aish shows in this video the concept of “burning your bridges” – a guaranteed way to get you motivated in doing things that you always have the ability to do, but just never get around to doing them.
Ever wonder why there are deadlines? Because if there wouldn’t be any, nothing would get done. Imagine if you had 5 years to pay a parking ticket, or if you could pay for airline tickets up to the day of departure at no extra cost. When would you pay for them? It doesn’t take a genius to know that the answer is – “At the latest possible moment.” Which is precisely why deadlines exist – to get things done.
When you are in kollel, and its really time to leave, but you are still living off your parents/in-laws/wife’s job, and it’s working (sort of), there is no hard deadline forcing you to take the plunge that you really should be doing.
So how do you light a fire under your seat? The only sure method is to change the status quo by telling everyone you know of your plans. That means telling your wife, parents, chavrusa, and just about anyone you know that you are leaving kollel by the end of the zman.
Once it becomes expected, you will play it out. The line has been drawn in the sand, and you will not cross it. That’s the beauty of peer pressure working in your favor. Getting you to do what you really should be doing – without pushing it off indefinitely.
Who’s Jealous of Whom?
Usually its the poor kollel guy or “person in chinuch” guy who is jealous of the fancy rich guy, with the fancy cars, big house, and the “freedom” to spend thousands of dollars without giving it a second thought.
But on Purim, the reverse is true. Its a lot easier to be a simple poor person who can go collecting by all the rich homes, and sending a simple shalach manos will be just fine, than to have to bear the “burden” of being a rich guy who needs to dish out large sums of money to tzedaka and impress friends with elaborate “themes” just to save face.
Being poor is no picnic all year round. But on Purim, take small comfort in the fact that some rich folks are wishing they were in your shoes – if only for a day.
What to Do (and not to do) When Asking to Leave Kollel
Many people feel that leaving kollel is something that needs to be discussed first with a Rov, Rosh Yeshiva or the like. And they should, especially since this is a major decision in their life. No one should be in the position of making such an important decision without first seeking proper guidance.
However, one must be very careful when presenting the issue that he does so in an open and straightforward manner. Why is this so?
From my experience in interviewing many friends and acquaintances who went through the gut wrenching process of departing from kollel, there are many pitfalls to be avoided at all costs when presenting the matter to a higher authority.
First of all, it is very important to be open and honest about your feelings. Its not time to act self righteous or make believe you are something that you aren’t. If you do, you will be causing the advice giver to err in his response to you, since he will be basing it off an erroneous assesment of where you are holding.
Second of all, it is crucial that he hears your wife’s side of the story. The best situation would be if she could come and speak for herself and present her feelings about this issue, but that is not always so practical. Your wife’s feelings play a major role in the advice he will give you, and most of the time the husband is not fully aware or capable of giving over a true picture of her side of the story.
We have seen time and time again, especially with regards to the issue of when and how to leave kollel, that the response is what the person asking the question wants to hear. The biggest favor you can be doing for both yourself and your choice of daas torah, is to fairly and honestly present your feelings – and your wife’s feelings. That way, the person can hear you out and give you an answer that is the best for you.
Being honest about your feelings is probably the hardest part of this whole process. Work on yourself BEFORE you get advice. Otherwise, you will cause untold harm to yourself and your family.
The Gedolim Speak Out Against Excessive Kollel Support
Mishpacha magazine reported this week about a meeting that was held recently in Bnei Brak by an organization called Shehasimcha Bimono. The purpose of the meeting was to try and put an end to the prohibitive demands of support made by bochurim in shidduchim from girls’ parents, such as expensive apartments in Bnei Brak and Yerushalayim.
The article showed a picture of Rav Berel Povarsky, Rosh Hayeshiva of Ponevezh, who said that making such demands are a matter of pikuach nefesh, causing illness and even heart failure in parents who overextend themselves to marry off their daughters. He said that bochurim must not make demands from those who could not possibly afford it. Rav Povarsky suggested that young couples should buy apartments in distant cities where the cost of an apartment is only $70,000. He also suggested that Roshei Yeshiva travel to these places on a regular basis to give shiurim and visit with those living there to make the idea more tempting.
While this is long overdue, this brings up a number of issues that many of us have with the current system:
- Parents buying apartments for their children: The assumption that is the given in E”Y that parents must purchase apartments for their children is something that defies both math and logic. Why should one person be required to pay for 10 apartments – even if its ONLY!? $70,000 (one for each of his 10 children), if one person could instead just pay for one (his own)?
- Living far away: Many girls are too attached to live far away from her parents. There will always be those parents who wish to keep their daughters close by that will extend themselves to keep their children close. This will cause others to follow suit, defeating the entire plan being proposed.
- Exceptions for the “best”: As with all great takanos, rules were meant to be broken. There will always be the roshei yeshiva, VIPs, the wealthy, and those that have to appear wealthy, who will act as if the rules don’t apply to them. No one will have the courage to stop them from setting a bad example for everyone, and the “rules” will end up applying only to the “regular” people.
Instead of putting a band aid on a gushing wound, its time to do massive surgery. Let young couples who get married take care of themselves. Forget about support, apartments in far away cities, or any other source of stress. Mesirus Nefesh for Torah shouldn’t mean that someone else suffers a heart attack for your learning. Let your Torah come at a price that you – and only you – should be required to pay. Not only does it make more sense this way, the Torah learned by a person who is paying a heavy price for his learning is a higher caliber learning than someone who was “taken care of”. Pas Bamelech Tochal was said over 2,000 years ago, but it applies also to the present situation, even though kollel has become standard practice.
If I Was Not Learning in Kollel…
Would I stop whatever I was doing and join kollel?
This is a question you should constantly be asking yourself if you are in kollel. Being in kollel means forgoeing the usual responsibilities most men are faced with – supporting their wife and children, and placing that burden on others. Yes, the burden is shifted to others, whether it is your wife, your father or father in law, or the community that is supporting your kollel.
If it is truly is your heartfelt desire to be in kollel, then by all means, continue doing so.
But if when you ask yourself the above question, the answer is “No”, perhaps its about time to accept upon yourself the responsibilities of life. Asking others to bear your burden is fine if you are truly committed, but when you admit that your learning in kollel is only by default, its high time for you to get out and make a life for yourself.
Live a life of purpose, not by default.
The Hairs Breadth of Excellence
Some of the fears associated with leaving kollel is the fear of being unsuccessful in your chosen career path. Sure, there are plenty of business success stories out there, but the pessimist in you doesn’t associate those success stories with something that you could be capable of being.
If others could do it, why couldn’t you do the same? The excuse is, they are super achievers who are great at what they do. But the real truth is that excellence is only a tad better than average.
Being excellent at something doesn’t require you to be so much better than the other guy. If you are just a bit better at something, that is already a good enough reason for the business to come your way. And then you have the resources to get better and better, leaving the competition in the dust.
Remember, back when you were a bochur in yeshiva, the ones who became the ‘best’ in learning weren’t miles ahead of everyone else. Their success came by being just a drop better than everyone else. When everyone was goofing off, they weren’t. When everyone else thought about the kashya one time, they thought about it an extra time. When everyone else wasn’t paying attention, they were. And before long, they were miles ahead.
The difference between excellence and average starts out small, but it quickly becomes a wide gap that is almost insurmountable. (Think of Google vs. Yahoo
Which Kind of Job Do You Prefer?
Most of the businesses I’ve seen have two kinds of employees, there are those that “got” a job because they are friends, relatives, or even children of the owners. And then there are other kind – the ones that are only there because of what they do for the business.
One kind of employee is always complaining about everything. When there is too much work to do, he complains how “they” don’t give him enough help. When there is not enough work to do, he complains about not having anything to do. When its hot he complains about the heat, and when its cold he complains about that.
The other kind of employee is thankful to have a job, and works hard to prove himself worthwhile. He doesn’t mind the heat, the cold, or the hard work. If there is some kind of problem, he knows how to ask the boss and get it fixed.
One kind of employee is respected, and the other kind is despised. One kind of employee gets raises easily, and the other kind has to move heaven and earth to get any raise.
Which one is which? The answer: If getting the job was easy, staying on the job isn’t.
In the long run, its better to earn your way through the door than to win your way through.
