Anti Kollel Sentiment on the Rise

You may think that anti kollel sentiment is found primarily in modern orthodox circles, where the boys typically go to college, get a degree, and find a career for themselves. However, you may be surprised to learn that more and more, even mainstream yeshivishe people are expressing negative views about kollel. I was giving someone a ride who told me how they overheard their mother – who has 3 sons-in-law and 1 son in kollel – vehemently arguing against remaining in kollel long term. She was discussing this with her brother, who has 4 children of his own in kollel and has learned many years in kollel himself, and he was even more opposed to it than she was. It seems that many people – even those who would never send their boys to college, and who have married children in kollel, tend to have a negative view on long term kollel.

The obvious reason why these people are against kollel is clearly due to the impossible financial burden that is placed on the parents of the kollel member they are supporting. In order to entice “top guys”, the parents of the girl are forced to pay top dollar in support, which is usually something beyond their means. When 50 and 60 year old couples, who already put in their years of work when they were younger, are forced to work long grueling hours to support their childrens’ “mesirus nefesh”, it is to no surprise that they feel just a little bit resentful.

The situation today is that most of the older generation themselves did not learn in kollel. They don’t necessarily have a true appreciation for kollel, other than they must support their childrens’ learning because:

1. That is what my son/daughter wants
2. That is the only way she can get a good shidduch

Eventually, these motivations wear thin, other children come of age, the parents grow older, and the natural feelings come to the surface. If you are on the receiving end of support, just know the likely feelings your parents have towards your learning. Realizing this will help keep you in the right perspective as you go about deciding your life plan.

Anti Kollel Sentiment on the Rise

Filed Under: Parental Support

Tags: kollel support • long term • yeshivish