Ask to Leave

May 05, 2009 | Comments 0

Some of the phobia associated with departure from kollel is the misconception that you may be doing something wrong. All the years of shmuzen that you heard in yeshiva all reinforced one central theme – “Torah is everything!” By leaving full-time learning, it’s easy to feel that you are violating that concept.

There can be nothing further than the truth. Chazal tell us that at times, bittulah zu hee kiyumah, the neglecting of Torah study is a means of upholding the Torah. Leaving kollel for the sake of your family and your own happiness certainly falls under this category.

If you are looking for change, but are afraid, take the plunge and ask. There is nothing to fear by asking. Any Rosh Yeshiva, Rav, or spiritual counselor has had someone else come before them with this matter. They will feel you out, become familiar with your particulars, and guide you on the path to take. But they cannot do so without you asking them first. They cannot help someone who doesn’t ask to be helped.

They all understand that staying in full-time learning perpetually is not suitable or possible for 99.9% of those in kollel today. They understand that it is getting more and more difficult to adequately provide for a family while in kollel. And they are all too keenly aware that going into chinuch is not a viable option for most people.

So, how do you go about asking? To make it smooth for everyone involved, simplify the question asked. Don’t dump all your turmoil in front of them and expect a positive result, they aren’t your social worker. Present the question in a clear and concise manner, “I am thinking of leaving kollel, what do you think?” They will ask the inevitable questions, such as what is your current financial situation, how is your learning, and what does your family (wife) have to say. But whatever it is, this exact matter has been brought to them many times, and they will be very encouraging and accommodating.

In future posts, I will bring examples of what responeses were given when various roshei yeshiva and mashgichim were presented with these issues.

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