As a bochur in yeshiva, its much easier to be inspired. There are extra mussar sedorim, shmuzen, and the whole environment puts one in the right spirit. However, as a working person, there is no ruach, no mussar seder, and therefore no feeling the uniqueness of these days. A friend of mine took off a few days to go to Eretz Yisroel for the Aseres Yemei Tshuva related to me how Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel gave a shmuz in the Mir Yeshiva, and at the end of the shmuz led the entire yeshiva of 3,000 people in the recital of a kapittel tehilim, “in order that we should be zoche to do T’shuva Shlaima.” My friend said, “There is no words to describe the emotion that I felt at that moment.”

How do we attempt to make these days meaningful to us?

1. The Chazon Ish said that since we live in a generation of falseness one has no choice but to run and escape to the beis medrash and envelop himself in the truth of Torah. While most working people don’t have the ability to sit and learn all day, everyone has the opportunity to have a serious seder every single day. If someone has a serious learning seder every day, not only will it change his entire day, he will also find that special times take on new meaning.
2. Stop for a moment and realize what we are working so hard for. We don’t work so that we become rich and buy lots of stuff. Stuff doesn’t make people happy. We work so we can provide for our families needs, such as food, clothing, shelter, and tuition. Therefore, our working is a spiritual exercise on its own right. Having this proper attitude about what you do all day will help break through the barriers of materialism and falseness which dull our sensitivities to the special time we are now in,

These days only come once a year, and they will go by in a flash. Don’t cheat yourself out of an experience that will change you for the better.In just a few moments, you can make a positive change in your life that will affect your relationship with Hashem, your wife, and best of all – yourself.

bookmark this post

More »

Every year it seems that we go through the same routine. Cry our heads off during viduy, promise to do better, and then life comes back to routine. Is there any meaning to all of it, if on Tuesday morning we all go back to our old selves?

The truth is that there is hardly such a thing as routine. We are living in a constant sea of change. In business, nothing stays the same for long. This past year alone, the biggest bank in the country was brought down to a shadow of its former self, hundreds of banks went under, the largest auto company declared bankruptcy, while companies like Google, Apple, and Amazon enjoyed comfortable profits.

Why such a difference? The former were punished by the forces of change, while the latter few were rewarded by it. Change is not necessarily your worst enemy, if you learn to embrace it and accept its existence.

How do you accept change? By anticipating it and realizing that by just doing the same old thing again and again won’t accomplish what it used to. Those who lean into the future of change are rewarded by it, while those who choose to remain in the “safety” of the present become the next GM and Citi.

We are all prime examples of this. Spiritual bankruptcy is rampant amongst ourselves, both in terms of individual behavior, and even in whole communities. If we aren’t willing to make changes, what will become of ourselves? It isn’t enough to say, “I’ll be the same I was until now.” Because one thing is certain, that what worked up until this point will not work in the future.

I’m directing my words and the reluctant kollel yungerman who knows in his heart that the time has come, but he is too afraid to do anything about it. One thing is for certain, that just because it worked up to today does not mean it will continue to work. You know that the pressures are mounting, the bills are piling up, and the stress levels are unprecedented. Leaving kollel does not mean leaving yiddeshkeit.

Look into yourself and realize that for things to work out, change is not optional. It’s now the time to make a move forward in life.

bookmark this post

More »

Most of us don’t give Yom Kippur much thought. It comes as always, on the 10th of Tishrei, at the most incovenient time of the year. School just started for the kids, Sukkos is only a few days away, and we are supposed to seriously reflect on our deeds and make improvements.

Most people cannot be expected to make major changes to their lifestyle. Even if they say they will, there is hardly any chance that these changes will hold for any significant time.

But we can make subtle changes to our thinking without drastically altering our lifestyle, that will make a huge difference to our lives, both for our spiritual as well as our emotional well being.

The 7 day series was directed at the kollel guy who is headed out to work. However, the lessons here apply to anyone, both those who are already working as well as those who aren’t. They aren’t life altering at all, but they will make a huge impact.

Go back and review them one by one, and extract whatever lessons apply to you. Then the challenge is to remember them and apply them as we go about our daily routines.

I have put together a short list of kabbalos in hebrew (SEE LINK BELOW) that can be printed on an index card and placed into your machzor to take to shul. Keep them in mind as you say the viduy, and commit to at least some of them.

kabbalos yom kippur 5770

bookmark this post

More »

The Chafetz Chaim pointed out how in Ne’eilah of Yom Kippur, the one aveirah that is singled out is that of gezeila – “L’maan nechdal meioshek yadeinu”. See the mishna brura who explains that theft is the sin that stands out the most to accuse a person, that is why we ask forgiveness especially for that. On Yom Kippur, when we are as holy as malachim, we beseech Hashem for forgiveness for something that seems so distant from us at that moment. However, the yetzer hora is very clever, and he is able to get us with this more than anywhere else.

In a study conducted by the authors of The Millionaire Next Door, they surveyed dozens of ultra wealthy people, looking  for qualities that were shared by a singnificant number of them. They found the one quality that stands out the most was super high levels of integrity. Contrary to popular belief that most millionaires got rich by ripping off everyone, instead they found that the super rich people generally were people of high integrity.

Business requires lots of trust between partners, customers, suppliers, and everyone else it interacts with. Trustworthy people, besides their honesty are also so much more pleasant to work with. Money tends to flow towards those who can be trusted.

You may think, at this point what could I possibly be dishonest about? But the yetzer hora is already sowing the seeds of malice, little by little. It starts off with small amounts that you can rationalize, and pretty soon it becomes “just the way of doing business.”

Don’t get caught in this disasterous trap of dishonesty. Integrity rewards you both in this world, and the next.

bookmark this post

More »

To counter this problem, it became the style for baalei batim to learn Daf Yomi. The reasoning is that if you have to learn a blatt every day just to keep up, that would keep one on track with his learning and he would be careful not to miss.

However, making daf yomi your exclusive learning is not a good idea. First of all, it’s much too fast to get any good comprehension of the gemara in the short time allotted to learning the daf. It doesn’t even go in at all, never mind that it doesn’t stay in. But even more troublesome is that it is so easy to fall behind, and once that happens, most people just give it up.

There are better ways. Here is what Rav Meir Stern, Rosh Yeshiva of Passaic suggested to a talmid of his who was entering the workforce. He instructed him to pay a kollel yungerman to be his chavrusa. That way, he’d be sure to show up (since he’s paying him) and they’d have a good seder together.

If you can’t afford to pay a chavrusa, you have to find a serious kollel where there is a ruach of learning that you can join. It’s very hard to do it on your own, but if there is a good ruach of learning you will find that learning is actually quite enjoyable.

You can succeed in your learning after kollel if you are determined. Don’t fall for daf yomi, that is the easy way out. It is also most likely to result in total failure. Establish for yourself clear goals and stick to them. By making a serious seder, your entire day becomes transformed, and you will feel very good about yourself.

(Editor’s note: There is a very good alternative to Daf Yomi for those who wish to finish shas. Sender Dolgin of Lakewood, himself a baal habayis, discovered a breakthrough way to learn vast quantities with a systematic method of learning and reviewing numerous times. You can break up the daily amount learned each day into whatever suits you best. He himself finishes Shas once a year using his system. It is called “Chaburas Shas” and you can call 732-364-6282 for more information and a free chart, or you can visit him in Beis Medrash Kol Shimshon on Squankum Rd. during most hours of the day.)

bookmark this post

More »

First of all, remember that your relatives are greatly relieved at your decision. They were worried about you, and when you show the responsibility and maturity to take care of yourself, they will be glad.  About your neighbors and casual acquaintances – who really cares about their gossip? They will talk about you for a day or two at most, but after that the novelty of what you are doing will quickly fade.

But when it comes to your friends, herein lies a great opportunity. Your friends will not abandon you en masse just because you left kollel. Although they may outwardly express their displeasure at your actions, deep down they are somewhat intrigued and even a bit jealous. Those friends who are still in kollel with no plan at all, will consider you as an experiment for what they should do themselves.

That is where the opportunity presents itself. In your relationship with your friends, you must realize they are hurting inside, and they are in need of help themselves. Although you probably won’t be in a position to help them financially, you will be able to help them by getting out of kollel into a career or business that suits them.

Getting started in business requires that someone actively promotes your services to qualified prospects. As you engage in the business world, you are interacting on a daily basis with potential customers of your friends. Keep them in mind as you go about your way. There are countless opportunities to help another yid when it comes to parnossa, whether landing them a suitable job or a qualified customer.

There is no better z’chus for you than by demonstrating your concern for others, even as you go about getting yourself established on firm ground. All it takes is some care and concern, and it doesn’t even cost you a dime.

bookmark this post

More »

Leaving kollel often places a huge stress on your shalom bayis. First of all, there is the turmoil that you are facing, which tends to make you irritable and unpleasant to be around. But secondly, as men try to figure out where they are headed in life, they tend to leave their wives out of the decision making process, which is disastorous to a relationship.

Shlomo Hamelech writes in Eishes Chayil (Mishlei 31:11): “Her husband’s heart relies on her, and he shall lack no fortune.” The simple meaning of this passuk seems to be saying that decisions such as these are best if they are made in conjunction with her. Although it may seem that she doesn’t understand the dynamics of kollel and the guilt of leaving (or the feeling of waking up every day feeling unfulfilled), you should still have that heart to heart discussion.

You are bound together by marriage, so its no use trying to imagine otherwise. You share everything, and so the most important decisions that you make in your life should be with her input, advice, and considerations.

Are you perhaps afraid that she won’t approve of you after you “spill the beans”? By being honest and open with her, you get much more than her approval. You will be cementing the foundations of your marriage and relationship, which will serve you well as you step out into the uncertainty and turmoil of life outside kollel.

The short term gain of not telling her is way overshadowed by the irreparable harm you are causing by not telling her. If you are going to be successful in business and in life, you have to be willing to do the right things – even when they are uncomfortable.

So stand up, be a man, and do the right thing. Schedule some quiet time with her, and unburden your heart to her. You’ll feel so much better when you do, and you will reap the rewards for a long time  to come.

bookmark this post

More »

It’s the time of the year that we put our matters in order, and sort out who we are and what we are supposed to be doing. It’s when we reevaluate our performance in life up to this point, and attempt to make positive changes going forward.

First of all, you are about to create lots of turmoil in your life. As you step out from the relative calm that is kollel into the fast-paced world that we all live in, life is about to get a lot more complicated, at least in the short run. If you aren’t careful, you can easily trip up and have what’s called a “yireeda” in ruchniyos. As you leave kollel to start working, you will find that  “spare time” doesn’t exist anymore. Bein Hazmanim becomes a thing of the past, and late morning rises are now history.

It’s time to make serious commitments to your yiddeshkeit. Davening, learning, giving tzedaka, these are all matters that need to be addressed now, before you are in the thick of things. Now that things are new and fresh, the commitments you have in place will be more likely to hold.

Secondly, there is no better time than now. Aseres Yemei Tshuva is a special time of rachamim (see Rabeinu Yona Shaarei Tshuva 2:5). It’s when Hashem pays close attention to our tefillos. Since you are embarking on an uncertain and unsettling path in life, you are bound to need lots of Siyata Dishmaya. And there is no better time than now to request it.

Leaving kollel can actually bring you closer to Hashem. You are starting life on your own, taking responsibility into your own hands. Your parnossah is no longer dependent on other people, it is coming directly from Him through the actions that you are taking. He is your provider, and by fully recognizing that fact, your ruchniyos will grow even stronger.

bookmark this post

More »

Most people think that going to work is all about money. If you need money, and you don’t have family to support you, then you must go to work.

If that is your only motivation for leaving kollel to go work, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Money by itself is a lousy motivator, since money by itself does nothing for a person. When a person’s drive to work is only for money, he will likely seek out the quickest way to earn the most money. Greediness is a recipe for financial ruin, jail, or both. (If you don’t believe me, just ask Bernie Madoff.)

So what should be a person’s motivation? A person needs money to provide for himself and his family’s needs. But instead of money being the motivation, one should put his family’s needs front and center. There is nothing more courageous and noble than a man taking the reins of responsibility away from the reluctant parents and / or wife that was holding them until now, into his own hands.

But there is a deeper side to leaving kollel and going  to work. It is about self fulfillment. When a person feels unfulfilled, they don’t make for a good husband or father. His learning suffers, and he suffers a silent death each day that goes by without accomplishment.

Staying in kollel by itself is not a mitzvah – it’s only the learning that a person does that is worth anything. If you are feeling unfulfilled, and after speaking it over with friends and mentors you still feel that way, leaving kollel is not just a financial decision. It is a “life decision,” something that is very much appropriate to be considered during these holiest days of the year, when matters of life and death are being decided.

It’s not about the money. It’s all about you. Are you taking care of your family? Are you feeling fulfilled? Those are the questions you should be asking yourself. Especially during these special days of Tshuva.

bookmark this post

More »

Experience has shown that those leaving kollel often (but not always) feel somewhat like a failure, which result in all kinds of negative outcomes. Often times their yiddeshkeit suffers, which has serious consequences on their own personal ruchniyos, their relationship with their wives, parents, and even children.

Leaving kollel to go to work is not a “yireeda” (spiritual descent) in of itself. Its only the choices you make while doing so that bring about these negative outcomes. Kollel is no guarantee for success in ruchniyos, but neither is leaving kollel a recipe for disaster.

My hope is that this series of 7 posts (one for each working day of the Aseres Yemei Tshuva) opens the hearts and eyes of kollel guys contemplating leaving and those already on the way out. You aren’t a failure for leaving kollel, on the contrary, now is when you have the opportunity to bring out the best in your ruchniyos.

bookmark this post

More »