Lost in Kollel » Rabbinical Advice

What to Do (and not to do) When Asking to Leave Kollel

aaron — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:47:23 +0000

Many people feel that leaving kollel is something that needs to be discussed first with a Rov, Rosh Yeshiva or the like. And they should, especially since this is a major decision in their life. No one should be in the position of making such an important decision without first seeking proper guidance.

However, one must be very careful when presenting the issue that he does so in an open and straightforward manner. Why is this so?

From my experience in interviewing many friends and acquaintances who went through the gut wrenching process of departing from kollel, there are many pitfalls to be avoided at all costs when presenting the matter to a higher authority.

First of all, it is very important to be open and honest about your feelings. Its not time to act self righteous or make believe you are something that you aren’t. If you do, you will be causing the advice giver to err in his response to you, since he will be basing it off an erroneous assesment of where you are holding.

Second of all, it is crucial that he hears your wife’s side of the story. The best situation would be if she could come and speak for herself and present her feelings about this issue, but that is not always so practical. Your wife’s feelings play a major role in the advice he will give you, and most of the time the husband is not fully aware or capable of giving over a true picture of her side of the story.

We have seen time and time again, especially with regards to the issue of when and how to leave kollel, that the response is what the person asking the question wants to hear. The biggest favor you can be doing for both yourself and your choice of daas torah, is to fairly and honestly present your feelings – and your wife’s feelings. That way, the person can hear you out and give you an answer that is the best for you.

Being honest about your feelings is probably the hardest part of this whole process. Work on yourself BEFORE you get advice. Otherwise, you will cause untold harm to yourself and your family.

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The Gedolim Speak Out Against Excessive Kollel Support

aaron — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 05:31:25 +0000

Mishpacha magazine reported this week about a meeting that was held recently in Bnei Brak by an organization called Shehasimcha Bimono. The purpose of the meeting was to try and put an end to the prohibitive demands of support made by bochurim in shidduchim from girls’ parents, such as expensive apartments in Bnei Brak and Yerushalayim.

The article showed a picture of Rav Berel Povarsky, Rosh Hayeshiva of Ponevezh, who said that making such demands are a matter of pikuach nefesh, causing illness and even heart failure in parents who overextend themselves to marry off their daughters. He said that bochurim must not make demands from those who could not possibly afford it. Rav Povarsky suggested that young couples should buy apartments in distant cities where the cost of an apartment is only $70,000. He also suggested that Roshei Yeshiva travel to these places on a regular basis to give shiurim and visit with those living there to make the idea more tempting.

While this is long overdue, this brings up a number of issues that many of us have with the current system:

Parents buying apartments for their children: The assumption that is the given in E”Y that parents must purchase apartments for their children is something that defies both math and logic. Why should one person be required to pay for 10 apartments – even if its ONLY!? $70,000 (one for each of his 10 children), if one person could instead just pay for one (his own)?
Living far away: Many girls are too attached to live far away from her parents. There will always be those parents who wish to keep their daughters close by that will extend themselves to keep their children close. This will cause others to follow suit, defeating the entire plan being proposed.
Exceptions for the “best”: As with all great takanos, rules were meant to be broken. There will always be the roshei yeshiva, VIPs, the wealthy, and those that have to appear wealthy, who will act as if the rules don’t apply to them. No one will have the courage to stop them from setting a bad example for everyone, and the “rules” will end up applying only to the “regular” people.

Instead of putting a band aid on a gushing wound, its time to do massive surgery. Let young couples who get married take care of themselves. Forget about support, apartments in far away cities, or any other source of stress. Mesirus Nefesh for Torah shouldn’t mean that someone else suffers a heart attack for your learning. Let your Torah come at a price that you – and only you – should be required to pay. Not only does it make more sense this way, the Torah learned by a person who is paying a heavy price for his learning is a higher caliber learning than someone who was “taken care of”. Pas Bamelech Tochal was said over 2,000 years ago, but it applies also to the present situation, even though kollel has become standard practice.

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Should Kollel Have Term Limits?

aaron — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 04:27:33 +0000

The debate surrounding instituting term limits is not only for politicians, but for kollel yungerleit as well. Should kollel yungerleit receiving a check from their kollel also be subject to a specific time limit, say 5 or more years?

In Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim in Queens, the kollel program is a 6 year program, during which the yungerleit actively engage in preparing for a career in rabbanus or chinuch either by taking courses in teaching and / or focusing on practical halacha.

The Gruss kollel in Eretz Yisroel is a 2 year program as well. The goal is that after 2 (or sometimes 3) years, the kollel member should move on to assume a position of leadership back in the states.

However, most kollelim have no limit. Once someone is accepted into a kollel, they can stay as long as the kollel functions, with no chance of every being asked to leave.

On the one hand, a kollel is designed to allow someone to devote himself to learning while providing a small stipend. Torah should not have limits placed upon it, and if the yungerman feels that his still able to devote himself to full time learning, why put a stop to it?

On the other hand, if there is no real accountability there is a tendency to underperform. Imagine if politicians didn’t have to get reelected ever. Ever walk into a post office or a motor vehicles office and wonder why the service is so poor? Because they have no fear of ever getting fired, there is no need to provide good service. If kollel would be for a limited time only, the members would perhaps use their time more carefully than if kollel is “endless”.

Lakewood yeshiva floated this idea many years ago, in an effort to both save money as well as to provide a stimulus for those “older yungerleit” to make their exit while they still could. Rav Shach ZT”L ruled that Torah cannot have any limits placed on it, and kollel checks should not stop after 5 years.

What do you think should be done today? Should kollel stipends have limits on the length of time they are given, or should there be no restrictions?

Feel free to add your comments below.

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Satmar Rav: Let Them Work for My G’virim

aaron — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 20:16:44 +0000

On the Yahrtzeit of the Satmar Rav ZT”L, I was reminded of a story I once heard. An American Rabbi once asked the Satmar Rav why he was against college. He replied that he didn’t feel college is a proper place for a yid to be in because of all the bad influences that are present. The Rabbi countered, “But what will your followers do for parnossah? After all, in order to make a living one needs to go to college.” The Rav ZT”L smiled and said, “Yes, your accountants will become bookkeepers by meine g’virim.

R” Yoel knew back then what is readily admitted today. Making money does not depend on which college you attended, or even if you went to college at all. To make money, all one needs is a strong drive and the ability to make fast decisions. In a word – leadership. If you have the ability to lead, you can use that character trait to earn a good living, to help others, or to promote your cause. Whatever it is, a leader is automatically looked up to by others who feel adequate enough to lead. They are the ones that carry out your mission in life, whatever it may be.

College is no longer (and probably never was) a guarantee of financial success. I know too many lawyers who were laid off with no prospects for a good job, too many doctors that are dissolusioned about their situations. And I know plenty of businesspeople with no college education, who make a fine living for themselves using knowledge they acquired while on the job, using talent that they always had in them. Don’t end up discovering the hard truth.

The road out of college is not paved with gold. Its only your ability to lead that will get you anyplace worth going.

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Rav Mattisyahu Solomon on Leaving Kollel

aaron — Fri, 08 May 2009 20:32:16 +0000

The mashgiach of Lakewood Yeshiva, Rav Mattisyahu Solomon, is the natural destination for the many kollel yungerleit of the famed yeshiva to bring their issues to. A friend of mine who left kollel at the somewhat surprising point of only 5 years related to me his experience bringing this matter before the mashgiach.

As Rav Mattisyahu’s time is very limited, he grants 5 minute appointments to those who wish to consult with his Da’as Torah. My friend used this time frame to bring his question before him. The question was, in a nutshell, “Is it alright for a kollel yungeman who is learning well to go out and seek work in order to have parnossa?” He answered that if a yungerman already has such questions, then it is probably time for him to leave. If he is not willing to entertain such thoughts and has complete faith that Hashem will provide, he would not be bothered by such matters.” My friend continued, “What should I go into?” He replied that if he has a family member with a business that he can enter, he should pursue that. He suggested against opening a business since that is too risky (a myth which we disagree greatly with on this site). When my friend asked, “Is it permitted to go to college for this?” His response was, “Not L’Chatchila (preferably not).” The 5 minutes were up, and the session ended.

What clearly emerges from this experience is that the gedolim are seeing the effects of remaining in kollel too long, and they are advising against it. Only one who is truly removed from any worries of parnossa need not take any action. Otherwise, choose a career for yourself and get out.

There are other Torah Leaders who have weighed in on this matter, we’ll hear from them in coming posts.

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