Lost in Kollel » Self Improvement

(Belated) Thoughts on the Tragedy

aaron — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 04:55:21 +0000

What does the Leiby Kletsky tragedy have to do with the topic of this blog? Absolutely nothing. Nevertheless, there is not a Jewish blog out there that has not wrote something about this senseless and heartbreaking story. Why this happened to us, we cannot know, and there is no point in speculating. But one interesting observation to make is how everyone reacted to the story. As soon as the events became known, everyone knew everything there is to know about the story, in spectacular detail.

How did everyone become an expert in every minute detail? Simple. Because everyone was so touched by this tragic story, they became emotionally involved. And when one becomes emotionally involved with something, they internalize the matter. Scrape every website out there for any bit of news and hearsay, listen to every broadcast, and read every newspaper just to get the latest update. As if that would somehow help the situation.

Of course it won’t bring back little Leiby, but nevertheless we all were glued. Being emotionally attached is a super powerful force. From the countless conversations held in yeshiva hallways, businesses, and street corners in the days following the story, simple laymen were transformed into criminal law experts.

That is a small lesson that can be taken out of this tragedy. If we want to really achieve excellence, we must become emotionally attached to what you are doing. Whether you are learning or working, you won’t become an expert unless you connect emotionally to it. All you need to do is to discover what that “thing” is. And then you’ll be the real expert.

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Leaving the Tayva

aaron — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 03:53:36 +0000

After the Mabul was over, Hashem had to command Noah to leave the Tayva. Not only that, he was told to tell the animals to go out onto the world, if they would refuse to do so take them out by force. Why would they want to stay?

The answer is simple: They were simply scared to go out and start fresh. The world literally had been destroyed, and they were facing the scary proposition of going out and making something of themselves in a brand new world. Both animals and humans tend to cling to the familiar and “safe” territory – as bad as it is – instead of the new and unfamiliar.

Sometime in your days in Yeshiva you must have heard one of your rebbeim or mashgiach describe a Yeshiva as a Tayva. It protects one from the outside world and all the negative influences that can wreak havoc on a young yeshiva boy. Yes, a yeshiva is a Tayva. Just like the Tayva, there is a time that one must leave the Tayva. After the many years of insulation and the spiritual development that took place in the insulation and protection of a yeshiva, there comes a time for one to go out of the Tayva and set out to accomplish his purpose.

So if your Rebbeim don’t kick you out of the Tayva when it’s time – you have to get up and leave on your own. When it’s time to go, there is no mitzvah in staying within the cocoon and the perceived comfort of a yeshiva. As a matter of fact, it’s even a mitzvah to leave.

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Rav Mattisyahu: Why Are We Asking For Life?

aaron — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 03:38:20 +0000

During the Aseres Yemei T’shuva, we are constantly asking Hashem for life – chayim. Zochrainu L’Chaim, Bisefer Chaim, U’chsov L’Chaim… Many years ago I heard a shmuz from Rav Mattisyahu Salomon who told how a kollel yungerman approached him and asked, “Why are we so occupied with asking Hashem for Life? Why do we need life so much?”

Rav Mattisyahu response to the tormented and troubled soul was classic and right on target. He said, “You need life because you need to fulfill your destiny. There is no escaping your destiny.” He then pointed out the powerful words of the Mishna Brurah in Hilchos Yom Kippur on the reason why we lain Yonah by Mincha on Yom Kippur afternoon. He says because we learn from Yonah that there really is no escaping what you were put on this world to accomplish. Yonah thought he could run away from Hashem and his command to reprimand the people of Ninveh. But he learned a powerful lesson – that as far as he could run he still could not avoid fulfilling his mission. Even if one is to say, “It’s too hard to become good – why go through the bother?” he should know that he is just delaying the inevitable, and he will come back to this world again so that he accomplishes what he is put here to do.

Life is really just about getting a chance to fulfill what you – and only you – are put down on this world for. It’s a few days after Yom Kippur, and the effects are starting to wear off, as they tend to do every year. What were we put here to accomplish? Is it to sit and learn in kollel your whole life? If yes, so continue on your mission. If not, then its time to make sure you are on the way to do what you are on this world for. We all davened for life – not so that we can sit back and relax and have everything fall into place on its own, but so that we should have the opportunity to fulfill ourselves and our mission.

It could be your mission is to become a Rav, Maggid Shiur, Rosh Yeshiva, mechaber seforim, or even just a super talmid chochom with no official position. So then lets make sure we are actively working on getting to that point. And it could also be that your mission is not to be one of these, but to be a honest working man who spends much time learning (which is no easy task). If that is the case, please let’s get going in that direction. Because if you continue drifting along aimlessly, one day you may be asking the question of “Why do we need life?”

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Feeling Like its Aseres Yemei T’shuva

aaron — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 23:30:41 +0000

Many people complain that they just don’t feel the special quality of the Aseres Yemei Tshuva. In their heads, they know how important these days are and how we must do t’shuva, but they have trouble feeling it in their hearts.

As a bochur in yeshiva, its much easier to be inspired. There are extra mussar sedorim, shmuzen, and the whole environment puts one in the right spirit. However, as a working person, there is no ruach, no mussar seder, and therefore no feeling the uniqueness of these days. A friend of mine took off a few days to go to Eretz Yisroel for the Aseres Yemei Tshuva related to me how Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel gave a shmuz in the Mir Yeshiva, and at the end of the shmuz led the entire yeshiva of 3,000 people in the recital of a kapittel tehilim, “in order that we should be zoche to do T’shuva Shlaima.” My friend said, “There is no words to describe the emotion that I felt at that moment.”

How do we attempt to make these days meaningful to us?

The Chazon Ish said that since we live in a generation of falseness one has no choice but to run and escape to the beis medrash and envelop himself in the truth of Torah. While most working people don’t have the ability to sit and learn all day, everyone has the opportunity to have a serious seder every single day. If someone has a serious learning seder every day, not only will it change his entire day, he will also find that special times take on new meaning.
Stop for a moment and realize what we are working so hard for. We don’t work so that we become rich and buy lots of stuff. Stuff doesn’t make people happy. We work so we can provide for our families needs, such as food, clothing, shelter, and tuition. Therefore, our working is a spiritual exercise on its own right. Having this proper attitude about what you do all day will help break through the barriers of materialism and falseness which dull our sensitivities to the special time we are now in,

These days only come once a year, and they will go by in a flash. Don’t cheat yourself out of an experience that will change you for the better.In just a few moments, you can make a positive change in your life that will affect your relationship with Hashem, your wife, and best of all – yourself.

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Rosh Chodesh Elul – Make this One Different

aaron — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 03:35:00 +0000

Its the Elul time of year, bein hazmanim is over, and life is back to routine – all over again. Another zman, another limud, but the same old routine. But this time, let’s try something different. Instead of allowing another zman to drift through with the same result, do something remarkable. It’s a short zman, and if it doesn’t work, you can always go back to the old system in just 8 short weeks.

Here’s what we are going to do. Pick something you always wanted to learn and make it your project. A short topic that is not too easy, but is something that makes your heart race with excitement. It can be anything in Torah, even something out of the ordinary (some examples for inspiration purposes only – Hilchos Kiddush HaChodesh, dateline, Ramban’s Shaar Hagmul).

Once you’ve selected the topic, now write it down. Nothing is more effective than a written goal stating your aim to master this topic by Erev Yom Kippur. For now, don’t worry if you will actually complete your goal, focus instead on making a target to aim for. Take a notebook and start writing notes. Not chiddushim, just notes. Before you start learning the next day, review what you did yesterday. If you have a few minutes before maariv starts, review what you’ve learned that day.

Nothing about all this remarkable, except for one thing. If you follow through on this, you’ll have the best zman you’ve ever had in a long time. And that will indeed be truly remarkable.

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Lazy Comes in Many Forms

aaron — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 03:48:49 +0000

Lazy doesn’t just mean having a hard time getting up in the morning. It comes in many different forms. You can be too lazy to actually go to bed at night. You can be too lazy to write a letter to someone, pick up flowers for your wife, call your lonely uncle, or visit your elderly neighbor.

Lazy does not just mean someone who acts relaxed and slow all the time. You can even be lazy and work 18 hours a day. Someone who occupies himself with trivial, meaningless tasks is not acting slow or relaxed, but they are still being lazy. One can spend their whole life serving customers at the bakery, or finding beds for bochurim in the Irv, and yet they are still being lazy.

How so? By being lazy they refuse to take the positive yet uncomfortable steps to better their lives and the lives of their families for whom they are responsible for. It seems safe and cozy to continue doing the familiar work they have been doing, but in reality all they are being is lazy. And scared.

It’s scary to make a move that will change everything. Who knows if it will work? What will other people say? Does my wife approve of it? Doesn’t my family/friends expect better from me? Isn’t it too scary? What will happen when…

So many objections. They all seem valid. But ultimately, its about time to call it what it really is – laziness. Get up off the couch of your comfort zone, and do something that makes you sweat. Prove to yourself that you really can do more – and do it well. Give yourself a chance like you never had before. And defeat the lazy side of you forever.

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Free Lunch vs. True Freedom

aaron — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 17:19:08 +0000

“There is no such thing as a free lunch.”

It’s much easier to go for the free lunch. At least in the short-term. There is no worrying where your next meal is coming from, you don’t even have to decide on the menu. You may not love the food that is being served, but hey, it’s free, and you can’t beat free.

Unless of course, it’s not really free.

In the desert, the Jews were confused by this as well. They “remembered” the free lunches they had back in Mitzrayim, where they ate fish, cucumbers, garlic, onions, and melons for “free”. They wished they were back there, under the yoke of slavery – all for the free lunch. Which of course wasn’t free.

On this Z’man Cheirusainu (festival of freedom), make the decision to become truly free. Free of costly parental support. Free of relying on the government. Free of other people ordering you what to do.

Become truly free by having YOU decide your destiny. This is what we celebrate on Pesach. True freedom may seem difficult, or even impossible, but it is what we are celebrating today.

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Twice as Much in Half the Time

aaron — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 04:10:45 +0000

As frum people, we have to accomplish twice as much is half the time.

Compared with the average family in the US, a frum family has at least double (most likely 3x) the expenses. Tuition, kosher food, clothing, summer camps, etc. Earning that extra money means having to work harder. But we also have much less time than the average person in the US. Between learning, davening, Shabbos & Yom Tov, family obligations, etc. much of the time is simply not available for work.

That leaves us with having to accomplish twice as much in half the time. Nevertheless, we somehow manage to do so.

The reason we are able to do 4x as much as the average person is because we have to. Its amazing what gets done when there is no other choice. Under pressure, a person accomplishes more than otherwise would be reasonable to expect.

The problem most kollel guys face is the lack of pressure. Why bother accomplishing, when there is nothing forcing them to do so? Of course they are dedicating their lives to Torah, but as long as there are no specific goals to accomplish, they are satisfied with the fact that they are simply learning.

If kollel would be a job with real goals and deadlines, how much more could be accomplished? Certainly, a lot more than is being done now. The real challenge of a kollel yungerman today is to treat his years in kollel like a true job, by setting challenging goals for himself. That way, he really comes out of kollel with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

Nothing is like the real world with its actual challenges and demands. However, a kollel yungerman can go a long way by artifically making it hard for himself. Pressure can be a good thing, for it makes us do things we otherwise would think are just not possible.

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Being a Doer vs. Just a Onlooker

aaron — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:12:03 +0000

If you ever want to get an idea of how many people are out there on the internet, take a look at Wikipedia. There are millions of articles on every possible subject under the sun, all of them authored by anonymous volunteer experts on the particular subject matter. It is truly amazing to see how great things can be accomplished with collaborative effort. In reality, there are a few power editors, less than 1% of Wikipedia’s users, who contribute the bulk of the content on the massive website.

But the numbers can be deceiving. For every writer that there is on Wikipedia, there are at least 9 others that have never edited a thing! Most people just sit back and read what other people have to say, without adding anything of value.

As we go through life, we have a choice. We can be power writers, who use our knowledge and capabilities to teach and influence the lives of others around us, or we can just sit back and be an onlooker, who enjoys the work of others without adding anything of value.

All of us have within us the ability to influence others. It can be something regarding learning, business, or even just about having fun. You have the choice – you can decide to become an influencer, a doer, a person who writes instead of just reads. You will grow too from being an influencer, and it will most likely define who you are as a person. Or you can just go ahead and surf to the next post or blog and read someone else’s wisdom. But what good does that do for you?

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Day # 7 – All Prepared for Yom Kippur (KABBALOS LIST)

aaron — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 12:00:08 +0000

Are you prepared for Yom Kippur?

Most of us don’t give Yom Kippur much thought. It comes as always, on the 10th of Tishrei, at the most incovenient time of the year. School just started for the kids, Sukkos is only a few days away, and we are supposed to seriously reflect on our deeds and make improvements.

Most people cannot be expected to make major changes to their lifestyle. Even if they say they will, there is hardly any chance that these changes will hold for any significant time.

But we can make subtle changes to our thinking without drastically altering our lifestyle, that will make a huge difference to our lives, both for our spiritual as well as our emotional well being.

The 7 day series was directed at the kollel guy who is headed out to work. However, the lessons here apply to anyone, both those who are already working as well as those who aren’t. They aren’t life altering at all, but they will make a huge impact.

Go back and review them one by one, and extract whatever lessons apply to you. Then the challenge is to remember them and apply them as we go about our daily routines.

I have put together a short list of kabbalos in hebrew (SEE LINK BELOW) that can be printed on an index card and placed into your machzor to take to shul. Keep them in mind as you say the viduy, and commit to at least some of them.

kabbalos yom kippur 5770

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