Day # 3 – Open Communication with Your Wife

After you established your own goals and priorities and bolstered your spiritual faith, its time to work on the most important person in your life – and that would be your wife.

Leaving kollel often places a huge stress on your shalom bayis. First of all, there is the turmoil that you are facing, which tends to make you irritable and unpleasant to be around. But secondly, as men try to figure out where they are headed in life, they tend to leave their wives out of the decision making process, which is disastorous to a relationship.

Shlomo Hamelech writes in Eishes Chayil (Mishlei 31:11): “Her husband’s heart relies on her, and he shall lack no fortune.” The simple meaning of this passuk seems to be saying that decisions such as these are best if they are made in conjunction with her. Although it may seem that she doesn’t understand the dynamics of kollel and the guilt of leaving (or the feeling of waking up every day feeling unfulfilled), you should still have that heart to heart discussion.

You are bound together by marriage, so its no use trying to imagine otherwise. You share everything, and so the most important decisions that you make in your life should be with her input, advice, and considerations.

Are you perhaps afraid that she won’t approve of you after you “spill the beans”? By being honest and open with her, you get much more than her approval. You will be cementing the foundations of your marriage and relationship, which will serve you well as you step out into the uncertainty and turmoil of life outside kollel.

The short term gain of not telling her is way overshadowed by the irreparable harm you are causing by not telling her. If you are going to be successful in business and in life, you have to be willing to do the right things – even when they are uncomfortable.

So stand up, be a man, and do the right thing. Schedule some quiet time with her, and unburden your heart to her. You’ll feel so much better when you do, and you will reap the rewards for a long time  to come.

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Filed Under: aseres yemei tshuva • Going to Work • Self Improvement

Tags: advice • relationship • shalom bayis • wife