Letters to Mishpacha’s Editors

Here are some letters that were published in Mishpacha magazine as a response to the “Goldmines” story, of which I added my own insights.

WHAT ABOUT GRATITUDE?

[Goldmines / Amitz / Issue 279 ]

I found the attitude of this story’s narrator to be very disturbing. I think it makes no sense to expect to have a wife support a family so that the husband can learn and then complain that the wife is never home. A man who dedicates his life to the worthwhile pursuit of learning Torah, must also come to grips with the fact that it is possible that the woman he is marrying can only do so much. In today’s day and age, in many households, this is the norm, and this is praiseworthy. If a person chooses to have such a life, the last thing he should do is complain about it. He can’t have his cake and eat it to. The story should have shown more gratitude to all the women out there who completely sacrifice their lives for Torah, and perhaps it should have included asking Hashem for a brachah for all these women, that Hashem should give them the strength and ability to find the right balance between their work, children, marriage, and most of all themselves.

S.F. Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel

A PAINFUL BALANCING ACT

[Goldmines / Amitz / Issue 279 ]

The story “Goldmines” hit a really painful chord, but I feel that I must protest somewhat and set the record straight. I found it very hard to believe that the mother-in-law ended up with three driven, careerist daughters-in-law, none of whose husbands ever made a move to stop the whirlwind that transformed them from star yungeleit to chief bottle washers. While it is true that many young women today are encouraged to pursue training and schooling that will enable them to bring home a substantial paycheck, if you take a look ten or fifteen years down the line, you might find that in many cases, the natural mothering instinct will temper the careerist drive. I think of a friend who had reached the pinnacle of success in a very powerful Wall Street firm, yet decided to let it go and focus on her children. There’s also the woman who holds down a demanding job, yet structures her hours in a way to ensure that she’ll be home in the afternoons for her children. And then there are the women who concede at a certain point that they simply can’t juggle everything and leave their jobs entirely. But even when the soul-searching doesn’t originate with the wife, let’s not forget that there are those men who put their foot down and tell their wives that they’ve had enough, that they never planned on being surrogate mothers, and that they’d rather live with a much tighter budget than abandon their dreams of Torah greatness.

Chani K. Lakewood, NJ

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