Lost in Kollel » Escape Kollel

When You Feel Old…

aaron — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 05:00:30 +0000

Feeling old is a real phenomenon, and it is a sure sign that you’ve got to get out. I’ve heard from people who stayed in kollel many years, all the time learning with great diligence, but once they realized how “old” they were, they decided to leave kollel and change their lives.

On top of all the other good reasons for a person to leave kollel, this can even affect those that are learning well, have good sources of parnossah, and feel fulfilled with what they are doing. A person’s tendency is to be drawn after others around him (Rambam De’os 5:1). A kollel by its nature is a group of poeple learning together. If a person begins to feel old, he starts losing his connection to the group around him. This causes him to slip away from the communal aspect of kollel, which means that he no longer is adding much to the kollel in which he learns.

Back when I was in kollel, I used to notice how one person that was much older than everyone else there would habitually come later than everyone else. This struck me as odd, since we were the ones with young children to keep us busy, while this man’s children were already grown.

I later understood why he was coming late. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy learning, on the contrary, this person would stay up late every night learning. However, with respect to the kollel, he was feeling too old. When you are one of the sailors, its easy to show up to the boat on time to get it going. But when you are just an onlooker, it’s fine to show up late even after the boat has already pulled away.

If you are staying in kollel longer than most of your friends, even if you are learning well, perpare yourself for the inevitable. There will come a time that you begin to feel old. Once you reach that point, it will become very difficult, even impossible, to continue being a valuable contributer to the rest of the group.

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Kollel Blog Title – Defining the Message

aaron — Fri, 15 May 2009 16:35:16 +0000

When I started this blog in the beginning of 2008, I was still in kollel. I was feeling trapped by the vicious cycle of government programs, parental support, and dwindling kollel checks. I wrote about my frustrations, and they have even elicited some emotional responses on the blogosphere.

Now that I have escaped kollel and the trapped feelings, I use this blog primarily as a means of convincing those who want to be convinced, that they too can successfully escape from kollel and improve their life. I know that statement sounds horrific at first. All the B’nei Torah will think, “It’s bad enough that you left kollel, do you have to convince everyone else?”

In case I need to defend this blog, I would like to clarify it’s mission. And that is – “To improve the lives of kollel families who are struggling and actively looking for a solution.”

I don’t want anyone who is learning well in kollel, and happy to do so, to leave learning, Chas V’shalom. Having learned in kollel for almost 10 years, I know and firmly believe in “ki heim chayeinu”. It’s for those people who find themselves in the position where I was that I have this blog. It’s those people that want help and are seeking it, that can use the advice and conversations that take place here to get up on their feet, shake off the dust, and make something of themselves.

You cannot succeed if you don’t feel good about yourself. You cannot feel good about yourself, if you don’t love what you are doing. You cannot love what you are doing, if you aren’t sure that what you are doing is good for your circumstances.

If you feel that these words strike home with you, then this blog is for you. If it offends you, click the little blue box on the top right of the page with an X. Continue learning as before, this BUD is NOT for you.

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