In the world of learning, there are few measures of progress or tests. The only demarcation is between yeshivah and kollel, and the difference is not that great. Pressure must be self-imposed. My guess is that those who enjoy the greatest satisfaction in learning, and are the most likely to become maggidei shiurim and authors of seforim, are not necessarily those seen as the most talented in their youth, but those who are best able to set concrete goals. (Yonason Rosenblum, Mishpacha Magazine March 30th)

Kollel provides a great opportunity to sit and learn without interruption from other “occupations”. But does it produce results? As Yonason so eloquently writes, the only real motivator that gets his columns finished on time is the knowledge that a pink slip is waiting for him. Most kollelim don’t have that sense of accountability. So what happens? Well, human nature tells us that for a large majority of people kollel will not produce much value.

If that is the case, why do we have kollelim? For the general public, kollel does have its place for the first few years of a person’s married life. A few solid years of torah learning will ensure the family is build on a strong spiritual foundation. However, once a few years pass the benefits of kollel for most people begin to fade, and lots of negative consequences arise. Not much good comes out of an occupation that has no built in challenge for excellence.

There are the few that kollel does work for. These are not the brightest minds or the greatest lomdim. Kollel works best for the ones who are self motivated. The ones who are in the beis medrash learning during seder and after seder. Yes, the ones who are in their seats Rosh Chodesh Cheshavan and on Rosh Chodesh Nissan. For these people, learning torah is a goal that challenges them on their own, and kollel is just the means for them to carry out their mission.

And those people are far and few in between. But they are truly worthy of our support.

(NOTE: I know that I am picking lately on Yonason, but it does seem to me that he is a reader of Kollel Guy. Yonason, if you come across this can you drop me a line? I think we’d have a good time together.)

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R’ Yonason, of course, was overreacting to the very real phenomenon that exists today in kollelim around the world. Indeed, all of his points about the importance of Torah study are 100% true. However, there is also a very large element in kollel that can definitely be referred to as “bench kvetchers”.

A bench kvetcher is a derisive term to someone who “sits” without an occupation instead of working. By its very definition, one who is fully occupied with his learning, even if he is not “earning”, is not a bench kvetcher. However, one who is in kollel by default, and is not fully engaged in Torah study, is a classic example of a bench kvetcher.

There are many reasons why someone chooses to be in kollel – some of them are noble, and some of them are not. If someone feels a true calling to learn in kollel instead of working, he will never allow himself to be a “bench kvetcher”. He will never let a seder slip by without utilizing every moment to toil in learning. His life is fully engaged in the spiritual pursuit of what R’ Yonason describes as “being of infinite value.”

But the many others who remain in kollel for less noble reasons – i.e. they are too scared to “jump” into the unkown, or they are enjoying living off other people’s money, or they feel societal pressure to be someone they really aren’t worthy of being – these are the people that give kollel a bad name.

Who knows, maybe if they were actually called out as being what they really are  – “bench kvetchers” – that would get them moving along in the right direction.

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photo credit: The Lakewood Scoop

Recently, Mishpacha magazine interviewed Rabbi Aaron Kotler, the CEO of Lakewood yeshiva. He discussed how the Jewish (frum) community of Lakewood has grown drastically over the past 25 years, which he credited much of it to the work of his father Rav Shneur Kotler. He also spoke about the current economic environment, how former talmidim of the yeshiva go out and develop businesses in all kinds of fields, and how they remain connected to the values they received from their days in yeshiva.

The truth is, Lakewood’s exponential growth has less to do with the encouragement of its Roshei Yeshiva, and more to do with the talmidim themselves. It is well known that Rav Ahron Kotler ZT”L vehemently opposed former talmidim settling permanently in Lakewood after leaving yeshiva. He felt that the yeshiva area should remain entirely devoted to Torah, and if a community would settle around it the yeshiva would lose its insularity and purity. The great big “city of Torah” with all its bakeries, pizza shops, restaurants, take-outs, and fancy stores was not what Rav Ahron desired. I have heard from former talmidim of Rav Ahron how he strongly encouraged his talmidim to leave Lakewood after 4 or 5 years in kollel, move elsewhere, and be an influence on the Yidden there. Not in Lakewood, and not near the yeshiva.

So what is the cause of Lakewood’s (the city) growth? The talmidim of the yeshiva are the cause. In the past, the economy of Lakewood was simply non-existent. The only jobs available 25 years ago were to man the counters of 7-Eleven. There were no corporations or high-paying jobs within a 40 mile radius of Lakewood. Anyone leaving kollel back then was forced to move elsewhere in order to get a job or join an existing business.

So what do frum yeshiva guys do when there is no economic opportunity? They create some. Some started businesses, such as nursing homes & hospices, others began developing real estate, and pretty soon a community developed. Then came more schools, who needed rabbeim and teachers, and then came the builders to meet the needs of the growing community. It didn’t take long for the pizza shops, clothing stores, and sushi places to follow suit. With all the growth, came more businesses that opened, and more jobs that were created. 15 years ago most working balei batim were commuting to New York for their work. Today, there are more people that work in jobs within Lakewood than those who travel to the city.

When facing the inevitable “What should I do” when leaving kollel, just look around the city that you live in. It wasn’t built by Rav Ahron, Rav Shneur, or any of the present-day Roshei Yeshiva. Rather, it came to be from the courage, daring, and entrepreneurship of the many former kollel yungerleit who started with nothing – no money, no community, no support team – and yet they succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.

They did – and so can everyone else. The opportunities are all over the place. Go ahead and grab some for yourself.

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Moshe Saba, who was worth in the hundreds of millions, insisted that his son Alberto work part time. Here is the quote from Mishpacha magazine:

“Last Elul, Alberto [the son] cried to me,” Rav Dovid Yosef says. “He begged me to persuade his father to let him sit in kollel. I don’t need the money that I earn. I want to learn,” he told me.” This wasn’t a new discussion between Alberto and his father, when the issue would come up, the two of them would go to Rav Ovadia, who knew how to carefully dissipate the tension. Moshe wanted his son to be a ben torah, and therefore encouraged him to spend half a day learning. But on the other hand, he didn’t want him to be completely pampered and dependent on his parents.

Money buys many things. But a rich man who became rich through hard work, sweat, and tears, knows that true success is not just being financially well off.  He wanted his son to be strong, independent, and courageous. Money is one thing, but being a successful person cannot be bought with dollars.

But what is wrong with learning in kollel for a few years? Surely, someone like Moshe Saba who himself was a talmid chochom of note, would appreciate the value of learning. Why did he not allow his son to learn for a few years and then bring him in to the business?

There are too many well to do families that are supporting their children longer than they anticipated, all in the name of  “helping their kids in learning.” It creates a culture of dependency that never stops. How many families are there where they are in their 30s and even 40s, marrying off their kids, that are still dependent on their parent’s support? Moshe felt that while learning is very important, teaching his son “to fish” is even more important.

Is he wrong?

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Mishpacha magazine

The story is almost predictable. A mother of 3 “top” boys wants only the best for her sons, after all, they are great masmidim and budding talmidei chachamim. She marries them all off to girls who have professions, so they can provide their families with material needs while their husbands toil in Torah.

Years go on, the wives work very hard on their businesses while neglecting their families, leaving their husbands to take their place. After a few years, the wives are fully involved in their successful enterprises, while the husbands’ learning all have taken second place to their primary roles of being surrogate mothers to their children.

The story ends with the mother expressing regret for choosing career women for her sons. And if people will ask, “How will they be able to marry off their children?” she replies, “What is wrong with having a little emunah?”

Mishpacha’s readers fired off their angry replies, which were harshly critical of the mother and her expectations. If the wife is busy working, they feel, certainly the husband must take upon himself the responsibility of running the house, even if his learning would suffer as a result. What about the husband’s learning? The consensus of the (woman) writers were – “So be it, as long as he helps his hard working wife.”

Stop and think for a minute. If the husband is not able to learn properly because of his obligation to help his wife, why is the wife working in the first place? Only to support her family so her husband can learn. But if he is not learning due to his “obligation” to help his wife, there is no reason in the world why he should be helping and she should be working.

The truth really is, that the mother’s insistince on “income-producing” wives for her sons had nothing to do with learning, and everything to do with money. Her main concern was that her sons should be “taken care” of financially, without having to worry about parnossa. Oh, and on the side they may as well learn, since they won’t be doing anything else.

Had she really worried about her sons’ learning, she would not have insisted on a career woman for her prized sons. Instead, she would seek a woman who appreciates the true value of Torah. A girl who understands what Torah really is would make sure her husband is able to learn throughout all situations. Instead, the mother chose to run after money, and that is what she ended up with – money, but no Torah.

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It seems that these and other frum publications are obsessed with kollel and its impact on people’s lives, such as parnossah, shalom bayis, in-laws relationships, and anything else.

In the Yated, the Readers Write is full of letters that are both for (hardly any) and against (more common) kollel support, a topic which can never have enough said about it.

Mishpacha tends to write about in their serial novels, which are a frum woman’s kosher version of romance novels. In the past year alone, there have been 4 different serials about kollel life. One novel was about a kollel couple who was overly supported by one side of parents, and the husband gets caught up with online gambling and loses all of his chassuna money and almost gets divorced. The novel became so popular (and controversial) that it was turned into a book!

Then there was one about one guy in the family of fine kollel men who went to work (gasp!), was always made to feel inferior, and had to “prove” his worthiness in order to be considered “one of them”.

Even now, Mishpacha is running a serial about a kollel yungerman (the best one in the kollel!) who starts losing interest in his learning and yiddeshkeit, which is causing his life and wife to fall apart.

What does all this obsession tell us? One thing is for certain – that kollel is on the forefront of issues we are facing as a community. It is clear that kollel is here to stay, but it also clear that it is tearing us up, both with the financial stress on the parents and wives, and the societal pressures facing young couples that is so prevelant today, especially in Lakewood. (more on that in another post)

What will be the outcome? We can’t predict the future. One thing though, is certain. Stay tuned for yet another kollel novel out of Mishpacha magazine.

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