Lost in Kollel » parnossa

The “Glitter” of Parshas HaMon (Tuesday Parshas Beshalach)

aaron — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:03:46 +0000

(The following is a guest post from a talmid chochom in Lakewood who I share many views with.)

Undoubtedly, we will all receive emails today regarding the segula of parshas hamon which has become a yearly ritual religiously kept by yidden all over the world (even by those who are otherwise lax in observing mitzvos) in keeping with the words of Reb Menachem Mendel M’Riminov zt”l that saying parshas ha’mon on Tuesday of Parshas Be’Shalach, is a segulah for parnasah.

We would like to remind everyone about the words of the Rambam in the ninth perek of hilchos teshuva that we have a PROMISE from the Torah (and not merely a segula) that if we learn his Torah and keep his mitzvos with joy, then Hashem will remove from us everything that takes away from keeping his Torah like sickness, war, and starvation; and instead will bless us with all the good in the world so we can fulfill his Torah like satiation, peace, and much gold and silver.

רמב”ם יד החזקה – הלכות תשובה פרק ט “והבטיחנו בתורה שאם נעשה אותה בשמחה ובטובת נפש ונהגה בחכמתה תמיד שיסיר ממנו כל הדברים המונעים אותנו מלעשותה כגון חולי ומלחמה ורעב וכיוצא בהן וישפיע לנו כל הטובות המחזיקות את ידינו לעשות התורה כגון שובע ושלום ורבוי כסף וזהב“.

So the next time you receive the segula of parshas ha’mon in an email from a friend, send them back the PROMISE of the Torah……

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(AUDIO) Succos: Leave Your (Fancy) House for a More Realistic Home

aaron — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:04:56 +0000

For seven days, we are to leave our permanent homes and make residence in flimsy little succahs, with no roof over our heads. As the meforshim all explain, the essence of the mitzvah is to remind us how flimsy our very existence is. Our lives are wholly dependent on Hashem’s protection and care. During these seven days, we reflect on how he provided for the needs of the Jews in the desert for 40 years, from food and shelter to clothing and protection. Now, when we are under the illusion that we are self-reliant, we take these 7 days in the flimsy shack to remind ourselves that everything really does come from Him.

Perhaps its time to think about our obsessiveness with fancy homes. Today, its not uncommon to find even “kollel families” living in very expensive homes, especially in Lakewood. The social pressure that we are faced with is surely a large contributer to this phenomenon. However, the negative consequences are getting worse. Most kollel families can barely afford these high mortgage payments. Add to that the growing cost of raising children today, the decline of financial support from parents, and you have a serious crisis which can lead to foreclosure, bankrupcy, and of course, shalom bayis disasters.

Did you know that most million dollar homes are not even owned by millionaires? How is that possible, you ask? Looking around Lakewood, you can answer that question pretty quickly. When a home is mortgaged to the max, the family occupying the home doesn’t “own” their home. Rather, their home owns them.

In this interview, Dr. Tom Stanley describes the finidngs of his study that he did with people who appeared rich and with those who were actually rich. It is a very eye opening interview, and it will change your thinking about money and stuff after you listen to it.

Dr. Tom Stanely Millionaire Interview

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Day # 4 – Relationship with Friends & Relatives

aaron — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 03:16:28 +0000

Leaving kollel invariably will cause a stir amongst your friends, neighbors, acquaintances, and relatives. Its not every day that a serious learner picks himself up and goes out to work. During these Aseres Yemei Tshuva, you should make it a point to decide how to deal with all this gossip and incredulous stares that you will face during the “going to work” process.

First of all, remember that your relatives are greatly relieved at your decision. They were worried about you, and when you show the responsibility and maturity to take care of yourself, they will be glad. About your neighbors and casual acquaintances – who really cares about their gossip? They will talk about you for a day or two at most, but after that the novelty of what you are doing will quickly fade.

But when it comes to your friends, herein lies a great opportunity. Your friends will not abandon you en masse just because you left kollel. Although they may outwardly express their displeasure at your actions, deep down they are somewhat intrigued and even a bit jealous. Those friends who are still in kollel with no plan at all, will consider you as an experiment for what they should do themselves.

That is where the opportunity presents itself. In your relationship with your friends, you must realize they are hurting inside, and they are in need of help themselves. Although you probably won’t be in a position to help them financially, you will be able to help them by getting out of kollel into a career or business that suits them.

Getting started in business requires that someone actively promotes your services to qualified prospects. As you engage in the business world, you are interacting on a daily basis with potential customers of your friends. Keep them in mind as you go about your way. There are countless opportunities to help another yid when it comes to parnossa, whether landing them a suitable job or a qualified customer.

There is no better z’chus for you than by demonstrating your concern for others, even as you go about getting yourself established on firm ground. All it takes is some care and concern, and it doesn’t even cost you a dime.

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The # 1 Reason Why to Leave Kollel

aaron — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:40:13 +0000

In order to make a decision to leave kollel, you have to have a good reason for doing so. Here is a list of perfectly valid reasons, but there is one reason that stands out above all:

Parents/in-laws financial support ending
Not feeling “fulfilled”
Getting older
Wife unable/unwilling to be the sole income producer
Growing family
External (family) pressures
Children making “demands”
Tuition

However, the most compelling reason to leave kollel, in my opinion, is very simple:

“It’s not working anymore.”
When something is broken, sitting around and doing nothing will not fix it. When going to kollel in the morning feels like dragging a wagon through the mud, there is something very wrong. When your primary occupation during the day doesn’t bring you happiness – it can lead to disaster, especially for the people that love you most.

Are you thinking that soon things will change, that everything will start to work out if you just give it a little time? Think about this – Albert Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It won’t get better until you do something about it.

So are you ready to escape?

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Is Parnossa the Wife’s Responsibility?

admin — Fri, 16 May 2008 03:46:07 +0000

My wife told me that when she speaks with her friends, they all agree on this point. They all feel that it is their duty to bring in parnossah for the family, and if they c”v lose their job, the pressure is on them, as the breadwinners of the family, to replace the income lost.

This is something very revealing that I and most of my friends never realize.

Women are not cut out for carrying the emotional burden of running the household as well as the financial responsibility. Yes, there are some exceptions, but generally speaking this is not the case. So when my wife told me that this is how most of her friends think and were trained to believe, it shows how terribly wrong our system is.

Are we doing the right thing by sitting in kollel, while our wives fall apart both physically and emotionally? Do the wives really feel that as soon as their weary bodies give in, we will step up and take over their responsibility?

If they would truly believe that we stand ready to take them over, it would remove a huge emotional burden off them.

Only trouble is, they will never really believe us…

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An Overheard Conversation

admin — Wed, 14 May 2008 03:28:41 +0000

It’s not usual that I listen in to the ladies chattering, but this was a topic that I could relate to (it had nothing to do with labor or shaitels!).

I was at my in laws’ house over Pesach, and my wife’s younger sister (who’s husband works, and never really was much into learning) was asking another one about their work. She asked, “How do you manage to both work and run the house?” My kollel sister-in-law answered, “Oh, it’s hard. But I’m confident that the minute I feel it’s too hard for me to do both, my husband will step in and take over the responsibility of parnossa.”

I shuddered. Does my wife, who works so hard, and is practically falling apart, feel that way. I don’t think so. And it’s not because she wants to do this so badly. Her lofty ideals from seminary have long since washed away with the cold hard truth of reality.

She knows the truth. That even if I agreed to leave kollel, what would I do? What can I do to bring in a living wage? And so, she feels doomed, and resigned to carry on this insanity forever.

My younger sister-in-law is still too young to realize that about her husband, and she lives in that peaceful state of ignorance.

But my wife knows better…

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What is Kollel all About Anyways?

admin — Sun, 11 May 2008 05:16:48 +0000

I know, the question itself is pure kefira. But that is something that crosses my mind countless times a day, when I am awake, at night trying to fall asleep, or during davening.

What is the goal of spending so many years in Kollel?

I am a 29 year old yungerman in Lakewood, having spent 7 years after my chassuna sitting and learning. My wife works like an animal to bring in parnossa, and the rest of our income comes from gifts, some support, and me doing odds and ends jobs here and there.

But this idyllic life is starting to unravel at the seams, as doubts are creeping in, slowly at first, but now they are intensifying like a crashing wave.

What is all this “staying in learning” for anyways?…..

I wish I knew the answer.

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