First of all, remember that your relatives are greatly relieved at your decision. They were worried about you, and when you show the responsibility and maturity to take care of yourself, they will be glad.  About your neighbors and casual acquaintances – who really cares about their gossip? They will talk about you for a day or two at most, but after that the novelty of what you are doing will quickly fade.

But when it comes to your friends, herein lies a great opportunity. Your friends will not abandon you en masse just because you left kollel. Although they may outwardly express their displeasure at your actions, deep down they are somewhat intrigued and even a bit jealous. Those friends who are still in kollel with no plan at all, will consider you as an experiment for what they should do themselves.

That is where the opportunity presents itself. In your relationship with your friends, you must realize they are hurting inside, and they are in need of help themselves. Although you probably won’t be in a position to help them financially, you will be able to help them by getting out of kollel into a career or business that suits them.

Getting started in business requires that someone actively promotes your services to qualified prospects. As you engage in the business world, you are interacting on a daily basis with potential customers of your friends. Keep them in mind as you go about your way. There are countless opportunities to help another yid when it comes to parnossa, whether landing them a suitable job or a qualified customer.

There is no better z’chus for you than by demonstrating your concern for others, even as you go about getting yourself established on firm ground. All it takes is some care and concern, and it doesn’t even cost you a dime.

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How does one deal with a wife’s reluctance to leave kollel?

First of all, you need to convince yourself that it really is time for you to get out of kollel. This is generally when you feel overwhelming financial stress, lack of fulfillment, no progress in learning, feeling old, and a variety of other signs that it really is time to go. Once you are firmly convinced of this yourself, it will be much easier to convince her.

Now comes the fun part. Communication. Women love to talk about their issues – it helps them feel better just by talking about it. They will appreciate it so much that you are both taking time and including them in this major decision of your life. Even if there is disagreement, the fact that you discuss it with each other will bring you closer to each other. That way you will be able to understand each other better during the process.

Ultimately, a wife needs to be convinced that she must allow her husband to do what brings out the best in him. If he is not feeling good about himself while in kollel that will not be good for the family in the long run. Obviously, everything that we do in life has to be proper, but when there is no right or wrong answer, such as to leave or not to leave, she must allow him to be a success.

Finally, make sure you get guidance from a Rav or a Rebbe. Although you may not actively have a relationship with one, it is critical for the wife to know that her husband got approval for this drastic step he has taken. If there are feelings of guilt now, you can rest assured they will not go away. By getting assurance from a Rav that she has faith in, that will help her accept the fact that where you are heading is not all evil.

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