This is a question you should constantly be asking yourself if you are in kollel. Being in kollel means forgoeing the usual responsibilities most men are faced with – supporting their wife and children, and placing that burden on others. Yes, the burden is shifted to others, whether it is your wife, your father or father in law, or the community that is supporting your kollel.

If it is truly is your heartfelt desire to be in kollel, then by all means, continue doing so.

But if when you ask yourself the above question, the answer is “No”, perhaps its about time to accept upon yourself the responsibilities of life. Asking others to bear your burden is fine if you are truly committed, but when you admit that your learning in kollel is only by default, its high time for you to get out and make a life for yourself.

Live a life of purpose, not by default.

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Most people think that going to work is all about money. If you need money, and you don’t have family to support you, then you must go to work.

If that is your only motivation for leaving kollel to go work, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Money by itself is a lousy motivator, since money by itself does nothing for a person. When a person’s drive to work is only for money, he will likely seek out the quickest way to earn the most money. Greediness is a recipe for financial ruin, jail, or both. (If you don’t believe me, just ask Bernie Madoff.)

So what should be a person’s motivation? A person needs money to provide for himself and his family’s needs. But instead of money being the motivation, one should put his family’s needs front and center. There is nothing more courageous and noble than a man taking the reins of responsibility away from the reluctant parents and / or wife that was holding them until now, into his own hands.

But there is a deeper side to leaving kollel and going  to work. It is about self fulfillment. When a person feels unfulfilled, they don’t make for a good husband or father. His learning suffers, and he suffers a silent death each day that goes by without accomplishment.

Staying in kollel by itself is not a mitzvah – it’s only the learning that a person does that is worth anything. If you are feeling unfulfilled, and after speaking it over with friends and mentors you still feel that way, leaving kollel is not just a financial decision. It is a “life decision,” something that is very much appropriate to be considered during these holiest days of the year, when matters of life and death are being decided.

It’s not about the money. It’s all about you. Are you taking care of your family? Are you feeling fulfilled? Those are the questions you should be asking yourself. Especially during these special days of Tshuva.

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