Waiting for the Job Offers to Come

Today I had a short conversation with Rabbi Gordon, a longtime fundraiser for Chinuch Atzmai. In the course of our conversation, he mentioned how today in Lakewood so many people think that they are worthy of the greatest shtelers (rebbe jobs), and the negative consequences that arise from it. After thinking about what he said, I had the following thought:

The typical 30-40 year old Kollel yungerman is a complete paradox. On the one hand, he does not want to leave kollel, for he feels that he must get a “shteler” in order to “be anything” in life. If he leaves, he will never get a job, and he certainly feels that he is deserving of a respectable position. On the other hand, he is full of tremendous self doubt and lack of self esteem when faced with the question of, “What are your future plans?” He tries to wiggle his way out of giving a straight answer whenever his parents/ grandparents/ uncles /family acquaintances strike up a conversation about how things are doing.

Why is that? As a member of the herd, a kollel yungerman has been programmed from the start to achieve the ultimate pinnacle of success – which is to get the coveted “shteler”. Anything else is akin to admitting failure, and which yeshiva guy with any sense of pride would want to admit that? To save face, a yungerman at the crossroads of life must still declare that he is in the running for the ultimate success.

But on the other hand, the odds are clearly stacked against him. Hundreds of other, far more qualified young talmidei chachomim are in direct competition for the few shtelers that are available to someone “outside the family”. He knows deep down that the chances of him getting a decent shteler is very low, and that he won’t be able to hold out that long enough to get one. And even if he does get one, he is plagued with doubts on how well of a job he is able to do. Therefore, under the surface, your average 30 year old kollel member is a mess – torn between putting on a good showing for his parents / in laws / friends / spouse, and the harsh reality that becomes more and more apparent each and every day.

Life is full of choices, and ultimately, it’s up to you to make the right decision. Not your mother or father, not your rebbe or chaver. Only you can do what’s right for you. When the going gets tough, it’s up to you to be a man, and overcome your indecision. It’s up to you to stand up and do what’s right, and not to give heed to what other people think about you. Deep down, you know the truth. You won’t ever get that shteler, and if you do it’s going to be long wait. Your family needs you. You need to move on with life. It’s time to discover the true opportunity that is waiting for you. There is something on this world that only you are uniquely qualified to do.

If you are 30, and reading these lines, don’t allow yourself to turn 40 before you do anything. Life is too short, and the job you have is too great, to allow the fears of what other people think about you run your life.

Waiting for the Job Offers to Come

Filed Under: Deciding to Leave • Escape Kollel

Tags: herd • kollel yungerman • shtelleh